15 Minutes to Live

I am a follower of Seth Godin and what he continues to create. He moves me to action and action is what I have needed after a month of not writing on this blog. So here is the motivation the next 30 days. 

Every day  The Domino Project will email me a prompt and my response is to write about the prompt. I will attempt to blog my portion of the prompt's to get me moving once again on my blog. You can read more about the project here.

Day 1 Prompt

We are afraid of truth, afraid of fortune, afraid of death, and afraid of each other. Our age yields no great and perfect persons. – Ralph Waldo Emerson 

You just discovered you have fifteen minutes to live.
1. Set a timer for fifteen minutes.2. Write the story that has to be written.

To be honest this was difficult and I put it off until the end of the day. I am not much of a storyteller and often have a hard time telling or retelling a story. So my prompt led me not to write a story, but write encouraging others to write their story. In a sense, I found my voice echoing what it means to live a good story. 

--The story that must be written is a short book and a collection of inspirational quotes that moves people to action. This book is about navigating life and the trials and conflicts that come our way. Many people are stuck with mediocrity, but God has designed us for more. More life, not more stuff; a life abundant.

Everyone faces conflict's and it seems that most everyone is stuck and often we do not move beyond the conflict when we are faced with one. Those conflicts lead to addictions, weight gain, depression, loneliness, divorce, and the like. When conflict arise we find ourselves stuck in front of a media screen. A media screen does not move us to action. Instead it keeps us from leaning into the conflict and growing from the conflict. 

This story is a story about you. A story that moves you in a direction to engage in relationships and a life abundant. Possibly this is not for everyone because not everyone is stuck. However, for those that desire to move beyond themselves we must realize that we have been hurt by relationships that cause us to get stuck, but we have to take action to be present with new relationships as God moves us in a direction that is new and fresh. This is about you creating a story, not writing a story. 

The Ugly Middle

This morning I read Steven Pressfield's new book Do the Work. I actually got it for free from the Domino Project a few weeks ago, but the download was not available until today. It magically synced on my app on my phone and I got busy reading. Here is one quote I love from the book.

"The hospital room may be spotless and sterile, but birth itself will always take place amid chaos, pain, and blood."

Simple, yet epic.

Last year in May I had the opportunity to witness this firsthand through the birth of my daughter. The room is quite enjoyable and relaxing, until that moment. Until that moment when you hit the pain of child birth. This is the ugly middle. This is the moment in time when one chooses to overcome a great conflict and struggle because on the other side we know that a great story awaits. A great story awaits for all those who are willing to cross the ugly middle. Once we cross the pain of birth a great story is born. We have to choose to enter the room and wrestle with the ugly middle and overcome what Pressfield calls "resistance."

What resistance are you facing?

What are you waiting to give "birth" to?

Mentors Are Priceless

My dear friend and mentor lives a humble life and does not ask for or seek recognition from others. However, he is a man of influence because of the way he lives his life. I have thought of him twice today. Once through a conversation this morning and then again because of this article I read about mentoring elementary aged children at school. For several years he took it upon himself without an official role or an organization leading a program, he quietly served several young boys once a week as they read out loud to each other. We will never know the value or return on investment with those relationships, but I am confident the return is priceless. According to the article, children between 9-15 who have mentors, the mentors have been highly effective in helping keep kids on the right track. Now that sounds like a good ROI worth investing in.

Are you a mentor? Your life is worth giving and investing in someone else. May you be encouraged to go and mentor someone.

Life is Connection

I have heard about the book and know the story, but this movie trailer makes me want to see 127 Hours. Simply put, a man cuts his arm off for survival. I liked the summary from Relevant magazine;


"Even when we feel most alone, we have a connection to others that keeps us going and drives our will to live."


Life is about connections through relationships. Relationship to God and to one another.

Read the entire article for more about Ralston and his journey.

Book Review: The Truth about Dating, Love and Just Being Friends...

The Truth about Dating, Love and Just Being Friends... and how not to be misearble as a teenager because life is short and seriously, things don't magically get better after high school and lots of other important stuff, but we'll get to that later...

This is an outstanding book for teenagers who are navigating the confusing, frustrating and weird time of figuring out relationships with the opposite sex. Chad Eastham is a popular speaker and his writing style reflects his interactive approach when he speaks to teens.

I will applaud Chad's approach and practical nature of this book. There have been many writers who have taken a hard approach at defining dating or even to say they "kissed dating goodbye" (which I read in college). Chad gets to the root of the issue and states this as a relational issue and not a semantic issue or even to date or court or just be friends...life is about relationships.

Each chapter has a quick story that seems really random and out of place, until Chad ties everything all together by the end of the chapter. For example, did you know igloos are not even real? Or that one guy has not slept since 1973? Ok, so that's off topic and you will have to read the book to understand. Your not "just friends" and why you need to drop the just in "just friends." 5 Tips on Finding True Love and How to be comfortable with yourself. Are topics that are addressed and much more.

At times the book seems random and choppy. Possibly because the publishers and Chad tries to make the book more readable for teens by inserting BIG fonts, FAQ's, letters to Chad, and post-it notes with quotes. Nonetheless, I think this appeals to his intended audience. One could easily pick up this book and start reading in any chapter and learn something new about yourself and others. I can recommend this book to parents and teens who desire to read and gain more insight about relationships and the crazy stuff that starts to happen with hormones and your brain.

In fact this book is good enough for me to have an interactive giveaway with the High Pointe Youth Ministry on Facebook.

This was another great book provided by Thomas Nelson and BookSneeze.

Next Level of Writing

I really have a desire to take this blog and my random collection of thoughts to the next level. However, I have not narrowed in nor have I managed my time to allow me to write.

At the beginning of 2010 I published some goals or what I called a 2010 story. This was only intended for a select few people to read. Several of the goals I have reached and several of the goals...well have been lackluster and non existent.

I want to share with you one of those goals:

I have a desire to write an eBook or pamphlet of sorts that will provide teens and young adults a resource for purity. Primarily this would be a resource or possibly a manifesto of sorts to get individuals and families to think about purity and pornography.

Why do I share this with you? Well...honestly I guess if I get past the fear of doing it by letting you know then maybe I will move closer to accomplishing that goal.

I have heard to often from every age range about justifying his or her behavior when it comes to pornography and purity. It seems that to a large degree we have normalized what we call purity and pornography because our hearts have become hardened to the standard God calls us to.

So there you have it...I pray I can take my writing to the next level for the sake of His glory and the temptation that many face today in their desire for purity.

You Might Be Boring

I know many people who read Donald Miller's blog, but some of you may not read his blog. Today's post from Donald Miller is a message that needs to be spread far and wide. If you like his post consider reading A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: What I Learned While Editing My Life.

Here is a snippet from his blog today. 

"And so I’ve started wondering if our addictions and our habits weren’t keeping us from wanting better ambitions, and if by not wanting better ambitions, we aren’t being robbed of great and fulfilling stories and lives."
Read the entire blog and leave a comment about how you will start to live a better story, not a boring story.

What one habit can you start that will help you create a better story?

Confusion and Milk

Have you had that experience before were you are pouring your milk for your cereal and then you go to put the milk away, but prior to setting the milk on the shelf you realize that you are about to put the milk on the wrong shelf.

When was the last time that something like this happened to you? You are putting the milk away and realize you are putting the milk in the pantry with the dry goods and not in the proper place in the refrigerator.

Don't you hate when you get confused?

No one really admits that they are confused.

When one admits to confusion, he admits to the fact that he lost control. 

The reality is that control is an illusion of one who is confused, but one can give an appearance of being in control if they never admit to confusion.

That's the thing I hate about putting the milk on the wrong shelf. I have to admit I am confused or lost control.

Where does confusion come from? Why would I put the milk on the wrong shelf?

Confusion comes from a lack of clarity.

Confusion comes from woundedness.

Confusion comes from admitting that one does not really have control.

Confusion comes from a lack of being present.

Confusion comes when we realize that the milk does not belong with the dry goods.

Book Review: Plan B by Pete Wilson

Have your dreams been shattered? Have you faced disappointments from your relationship? Tired of the self-help books that offer a "plan" but in reality the plan fails? Looking for a book that admits that life is difficult and many times there are not answers?

Pete Wilson author of Plan B: What Do You Do When God Doesn't Show Up the Way You Thought He Would? does not hold anything back in his debut book.

I have grown tired of books full of information that tell me to do this or that and how this is a proven path for your life. Pete does not make any false illusions or promises in Plan B. Throughout the book I was pulled into the narrative of people's stories and how their life appear to be falling apart. These gripping stories of death, drugs, and divorce (and others) will leave your heart yearning for the truths that are found in scripture. Pete does not leave the reader short with some pop culture psycho babel, but leads the reader straight towards stories in the Bible of heartache and disappointment. However, all of these stories lead the reader straight to the cross of Christ were all hope and restoration lies. Many times we believe that Christ removed this pain and agony from life as we know it, but the reality of restoration will not be know until we meet Christ on the other side of the grave. This would be a great book for small groups and classes to go deeper with one another as we learn to share our stories of hope and disappointments in the midst of our Plan B's. There are discussion questions at the end of the book for each chapter to be used personally or with a group. Thanks Pete for being honest and transparent about the realities of life, but pointing people towards Christ.








 FREE BOOK GIVEAWAY
Finally, come back tomorrow to read the details of how you can receive my copy of Plan B: What Do You Do When God Doesn't Show Up the Way You Thought He Would?

--
This is another book from Thomas Nelson and Book Sneeze.

The Marriage Drift by David Goetz

 Here are a few quick quotes from a great article that everyone needs to read. If you don't invest in your marriage any other way this year read this article and contemplate the deep issues of your marriage.


"That's why the pursuit of marriage needs to be intentional. Because if you default to the values of our culture, you'll pursue the sprawling house, the great body, the accomplished kids. But you'll let your marriage drift."


"We do something only if it has concrete results. I pray about my marriage, but as soon as my husband doesn't meet my needs, I react as if my spiritual discipline has failed."


"There are two ways people change. One is through contemplative prayer, through making space for God in our lives. It isn't a direct correlation, but we learn about God, and about our own motives. But most of us don't pray. Let's face it. So how are we going to learn? The only other way is through suffering. And often men don't learn this until after the wife is gone."


"But many people design their own suffering by creating an environment in which they don't initiate. They create a passive-aggressive marriage. They create a marriage in which there's always some subtext as opposed to being open and honest and authentic."

Read the article for the entire context and understanding. 
 

Book Review: Your Love Path

Your LovePath

Joe Beam is a nationally recognized speaker and leader for marriages across the country. He is the creator of Love Path International  and founded Family Dynamics. (Fair trade disclosure: Joe sent this book to me a few weeks ago for a review and linking to his seminar of Love Path International.)

This has less to do with the book and the content of the book, but more so of what I continue to find among marriage, family, and self-help books. Most of them seem to lean heavily towards cognitive understanding and transformation and lack reaching the reader on an emotional level. That does not mean that this is not a good book. There is a huge need for cognitive restructuring when looking to improve one self or marriage.

Your LovePath is a great book to read and will lead you in the right direction to an intimate marriage. Joe does an outstanding job of making the material accessible to all readers. He combines his experience with saving marriages and evidence based research from guys like John Gottman. He weaves a few narrative examples throughout the book of couples that he has worked with and how they have implemented the steps in their marriage to save it from destruction. One of the highlights of the book is the chapter summary that you can review periodically to check and make sure you and your spouse are on the right path. This is one of the best books about marriage that cuts trough the "noise" and offers practical steps for all marriages. 

This book will get your marriage on the right path, but please understand one must do the work that Joe lays out in Your LovePath.If your marriage is on the brink of disaster check out his resources for seminars in Nashville, TN.

Nice Guys and Pornography

The effects of pornography are present even though pornography often happens in isolation. What is in the dark will become evident in the light and the lure of pornography is that one can escape into the darkness and not be found until...

Your nice guy syndrome is revealed. 

Nice guys are often crippled by the damaging effects of always taking care of everybody else. This creates a people pleasing anxiety for men and causes the nice guys to wear mask. Wearing the mask of people pleasing allows men to appear like they are caring and selfless, but behind the mask is the darkness of his loneliness and isolation.

When Mr. Nice Guy is pleasing others his thought process leads him to think about ways that he can take care of himself. On a cognitive level he may not process the event in this order, but emotionally he is feeling empty, because he is always pleasing others. This emptiness leads to a false reality and a false choice of choosing pornography over intimate relationships.

The path out of the nice guy syndrome and pornography is walking towards a relationship and becoming open and vulnerable despite what others may think. Being transparent and honest in relationships will lead to long term satisfaction. The darkness of pornography will continue to lead to short term gratification and disappointment, which will be exposed one day when your nice guy syndrome is revealed.


(Photo:eskim0j0 ) 

First Generation of Internet Users

Covenant Eyes is a leader in helping individuals find sexual purity. The following comes from one of their blog post:

Dr. Patrick Carnes, a leading national expert and author on pornography addiction, warns that America has a “social tsunami” coming. This first generation that has grown up with the Internet is now trying to form marriages, and some are finding they’re handicapped in their ability to form true, lasting intimacy within their relationships due to long-term exposure to pornography. 

One of my papers I wrote while I was working on my MS in Marriage and Family Therapy was the "Sexualization of America" and Dr. Carnes is spot on when he states a "social tsunami" is unfolding. 

My desire is to write a series of blog post on the cognitive and emotional level about pornography and sexual purity. I know this subject is not widely talked about, but I believe it is a subject that needs to be addressed as this first generation of Internet users try to navigate the future of intimate relationships.

What concerns you about the first generation of Internet users?

Life is Lived in the Gray

Donald Miller had a great post the other day that we all need to consider. Here is a quote from that blog post to consider.

Black-and-white thinking is attractive because it’s reductionistic, it simplifies everything so we don’t really have to comprehend. It allows us to feel intelligent without understanding, and once we are intelligent, we feel superior. People who don’t agree with us are just dumb.

I have heard many times over the last couple of years that life is lived in the gray and when we do reduce life to black and gray we are not only short changing ourselves, but those around us as well.


How does this post from Donald miller echo with you?

March Madness and Growing in Godly Character

The Art of Telling Stories in Your Family -- Part 3

This brings us full circle to the end of Deuteronomy 6 and Part 1 in The Art of Telling Stories in Your Family.

At the end of Deuteronomy 6 a son asks his father, "What is the meaning...?"

You see all stories begin with a question. We must begin to ask questions of one another so we can hear each others Egyptian story.

There is a problem most have with sharing our stories due to what I call in Part 2 the commercialization of the family. The art of not only telling stories, but asking questions needs enlightenment. Questions are the catalyst that leads to connection.

We have an enormous amount of communication, but few meaningful connections of one another including our very own family members. Everyone is communicating through social networking, reading the news, watching TV, and listening to the radio to only mention a few mediums of communications.

Sensory overload within all the mass communications has led many of our relationship to lack the power of presence. Sure we all communicate, but are we slowing down enough to connect?

Our stories have value. Our stories deserve to be told to future generations.

May we come to realize the value in asking questions so the stories of how Christ freed us can transform generations to come.

Everyone Communicates

Today you communicated in several hundred different ways. Not only verbal and nonverbal, but you communicated today via a mass array of social networking sites, email, texting, and possibly at least one phone conversation.

The reality is that we have many options when it comes to communicating with others, but we often lack the emotional connection of our communication.

Many times we confuse marital communication with connectedness. In other words it is easy to confuse connectedness with communication. Just because you are communicating does not mean you are connecting.

I can Tweet, text, email, or even post something on my Facebook wall, but the reality is few connect or interact and build upon that medium of communication.

The present reality in business, churches, marriages, and families, is that those who live a good story or make the world a better place will make connections, not just communication.

Go and make connections via your communication.

How would you define communication versus connection?


(Picture: fodor)

Must Watch Monologue...No Really

May your Kingdom be established in our presence!





May your Kingdom be established in our presence!

What to give your wife for Valentines?

Give your wife a gift of purity.

Confess to your wife that she is the desire of your heart.

Humble yourself before her and ask for her forgiveness.

Commit to her that you will not lust after any other woman.

Don't mask over impurity with roses, chocolates, and jewelry.

The truth will eventually reveal itself. Come out into the light this Valentines Day and step up to the role of being a warrior for your wife and family.

If you are struggling with purity and desire to give your wife a pure heart seek out a professional counselor, books, and a group of men who are radically committed to purity.

You may want to check out these free ebooks.

Other good resources to check out:

"The Game Plan" by Joe Dallas

"Sex is Not the Problem" by Joshua Harris

"Hope After Betrayal" by Meg Wilson

"Out of the Shadows" by Patrick Carnes

"Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction" by Mark Laaser



(Picture: sxc jaylopez)

Family Dynamics Lives Up to the Name

My expectations for conferences, non-profits, and training seminars has been pushed to the next level thanks to the people at Family Dynamics and there passion for creating a unique environment for marriages to be "dynamic."

Jessica and I went this past weekend to a facilitator training and were totally impressed that we cannot help, but think about our future marriage and helping other marriages as well. How is it possible to go to a conference not knowing anyone and leave the conference feeling as if you have a deep connection with people? Why would we be willing to share with strangers about our marriage struggles and joys? Well, the unique approach combines cognitive learning with experimental learning and when these two collide together it creates the perfect catalyst for good marriages to become great and ok marriages to go to the next level. It is unlike anything I have experienced. Yes, I have been to marriage conferences. I am a cynic when it comes to retreats, and "life changing" mountain top experiences. Yes, I am a counselor and have been to counseling and this is more than counseling. I believe every marriage across the nation should attend this 8-week class. This will have an impact not only on you, but your entire family.


Who should use the material from Family Dynamic?
This material needs to be used by every church, church plant, non profit, counselors, and any agency wanting to strengthen marriage.

What one thing could someone do to enhance their marriage?
Attend a Dynamic Marriage class in your area.

What if I am not trying to enhance my marriage, but save it from disaster?
Go to a Save My Marriage intensive 3 day conference.

What if I have a desire for marriages what can I do?
Become a Dynamic Marriage facilitators.

I look forward to our new partnership together and the lives that will be changed by Family Dynamics.