Book Review: The Truth about Dating, Love and Just Being Friends...

The Truth about Dating, Love and Just Being Friends... and how not to be misearble as a teenager because life is short and seriously, things don't magically get better after high school and lots of other important stuff, but we'll get to that later...

This is an outstanding book for teenagers who are navigating the confusing, frustrating and weird time of figuring out relationships with the opposite sex. Chad Eastham is a popular speaker and his writing style reflects his interactive approach when he speaks to teens.

I will applaud Chad's approach and practical nature of this book. There have been many writers who have taken a hard approach at defining dating or even to say they "kissed dating goodbye" (which I read in college). Chad gets to the root of the issue and states this as a relational issue and not a semantic issue or even to date or court or just be friends...life is about relationships.

Each chapter has a quick story that seems really random and out of place, until Chad ties everything all together by the end of the chapter. For example, did you know igloos are not even real? Or that one guy has not slept since 1973? Ok, so that's off topic and you will have to read the book to understand. Your not "just friends" and why you need to drop the just in "just friends." 5 Tips on Finding True Love and How to be comfortable with yourself. Are topics that are addressed and much more.

At times the book seems random and choppy. Possibly because the publishers and Chad tries to make the book more readable for teens by inserting BIG fonts, FAQ's, letters to Chad, and post-it notes with quotes. Nonetheless, I think this appeals to his intended audience. One could easily pick up this book and start reading in any chapter and learn something new about yourself and others. I can recommend this book to parents and teens who desire to read and gain more insight about relationships and the crazy stuff that starts to happen with hormones and your brain.

In fact this book is good enough for me to have an interactive giveaway with the High Pointe Youth Ministry on Facebook.

This was another great book provided by Thomas Nelson and BookSneeze.

Generation iY - 4 Points to Consider

I have just started reading the book Generation iY: Our Last Chance to Save Their Future by Tim Elmore and I am intrigued, curious, frustrated, and long for hope of this current generation. Tim defines the iY generation as those born between 1984 and 2002. Here are four quick points in the first 2 chapters and how Tim defines the current struggles of the iY generation.

Overwhelmed: This is a generation who feels pressure to perform in school, occupations, and stress about finding a "good" job. "Many of these pressures come from parents who put pressure on them to perform...for the trophy."

Overconnected: Hyper stimulation from all the various forms of social networking and playing of video games. "Technology with maturity can be hazardous."

Overprotecetd: Safety has been allowed, but has trumped growth and "America has become obsessed at protecting children at all cost and have suffered because of it." 

Overserved: Everything is about them iMac, iPod etc, the songs they listen to are about themselves and studies are revealing a higher trend in Narcissistic Personality Disorder. "Most of their life has been served instead of taught or challenged."

Now, I realize this sounds very negative and well frankly we all need a wake up call in raising this generation. I have already skipped to the end of the book to see what hope he offers and I like the picture he paints about how we can all play a part in saving their future. 

"That's not the whole picutre of course. Generation iY can also be energetic, confident, and capable. They dream big, they care about their friends, they thrive on activity. I can honestly say that some of my most meaningful relationships are with iYers."

I echo Tim's statement and this is why I love working with teens and their families because there is so much potential to change the world as long as we can embrace them and take hold of the future together.

I am thankful that Toni from NTCA for giving me this book a few weeks ago. I am excited about March 31st when Tim Elmore will be speaking at a dinner fundraiser on behalf of NTCA. I would encourage you to consider coming to the fundraiser dinner. I will continue to post a few blogs about this book because the information is valuable to all who work with children and teens.

Go here and read the first chapter it is only 5 pages: Generation iY: Our Last Chance to Save Their Future

Next Level of Writing

I really have a desire to take this blog and my random collection of thoughts to the next level. However, I have not narrowed in nor have I managed my time to allow me to write.

At the beginning of 2010 I published some goals or what I called a 2010 story. This was only intended for a select few people to read. Several of the goals I have reached and several of the goals...well have been lackluster and non existent.

I want to share with you one of those goals:

I have a desire to write an eBook or pamphlet of sorts that will provide teens and young adults a resource for purity. Primarily this would be a resource or possibly a manifesto of sorts to get individuals and families to think about purity and pornography.

Why do I share this with you? Well...honestly I guess if I get past the fear of doing it by letting you know then maybe I will move closer to accomplishing that goal.

I have heard to often from every age range about justifying his or her behavior when it comes to pornography and purity. It seems that to a large degree we have normalized what we call purity and pornography because our hearts have become hardened to the standard God calls us to.

So there you have it...I pray I can take my writing to the next level for the sake of His glory and the temptation that many face today in their desire for purity.

Why Do Students Walk Away from their Faith?

This is a guest post from Gina McClain. I am honored to have Gina willing to post her thoughts from the D6 conference. She hits on the high points from Vicki Courtney's keynote. 

_______________________________________

Why Do Students Walk Away from their Faith? 

As it relates to teens, we’re in a culture where we need to be honest with parents.  Parents are scared. They don’t know what to do.  We can be there as a church to let parents know , “We want to come alongside you to help."

This statement caught my attention quickly.  Vicki Courtney, author of books like 5 Conversations You Must Have with your Daughter, launched into a great conversation about the underlying causes that encourage our kids to turn their backs on their faith. 

Vicki believes the primary root cause of youth leaving their faith behind is simple. 

They don’t know Christ to begin with.

Because we call them ‘churched’ youth does not mean they are Christians.  We do so much harm (eternally speaking) when we make assumptions that ‘walking the aisle’ at a young age = life changed if their life does not reflect change.

A bold theory.  And I think Vicki makes a great point.  We make many assumptions about a student’s/child’s spiritual decision simply because they followed a prescribed pattern.  (I.e. they recited a prayer, walked the aisle, responded to an alter call, etc, etc)

I’m one of those odd people that is really okay with the messiness of ministry.  In my opinion growth in Christ is rarely formulaic.  There are certainly disciplines/habits that lend to increased intimacy with Jesus.  However, we all know that when they become ritualistic it’s no longer about Him and more about me.  The depth of my relationship with Christ is reflected in the extent of my life-change.  The transformation brought about by the Holy Spirit through the renewing of my mind. 

And the proof is in the pudding… or (more scripturally speaking) in the fruit. 

As ministry leaders we will always exist in that tension where we encourage parents, kids and students.  But ‘encourage’ doesn’t mean we don’t ever level with them.  The challenge is figuring out how to lovingly communicate to mom or dad that if their student’s behavior/actions don’t align with that of one who knows Christ then they have to ask the question… do they truly know Christ? 

The truth is too irresistible to not be transformed by it. 

Gina McClain is the Children’s Ministry Director of Faith Promise Church.  She’s addicted to coffee, stumbles over her words and often leaves people with lots of material for a comedic routine.  She also blogs at ginamcclain.com

Are teens really 'fake' Christians?

Are some adults really 'fake' Christians?

Yes.

So it would only make sense that teens are going to be 'fake' Christians as well.

Jesus called these people hypocrites.

Are there Christians both adult and teen who need to own up to their faith walk with Jesus Christ?

Yes.

This article from CNN is circling the social landscape about how more teens are becoming 'fake' Christians.

Some of the most mature and Christ like people I know are teens. I have seen teens put on Christ in baptism who are ready to storm the gates of hell, but often times their faith, desire, and passion gets smashed when they realize that the church and parents sometimes do not follow Christ into the same baptism of dying to self to live in Him.

However, this article does have a few good talking points.

"We think that they want cake, but they actually want steak and potatoes, and we keep giving them cake," 


"Many teenagers thought that God simply wanted them to feel good and do good -- what the study's researchers called "moralistic therapeutic deism."


Two different perspective. Both of which I have seen in youth ministry. Teens are longing to wrestle with the truths of the Bible, but often times we are focused on the wrong objectives in youth ministry. The other being MTD or moralistic therapeutic deism, it prevalent because we have shifted our paradigm of who God truly is in our life. 




What are your thoughts about 'fake' Christians in light of the article? 






(Picture: sxu)

More Conversations About the 20 Somethings

Just in case you thought I was lying yesterday about the NY Times article and how every is talking about it...well I wanted to point you to two great blogs I read and what they posted today.

Orange Leaders

Seth Barnes

If I come across other blogs I will just link to them here on this post.

Is it Really All Simple Vanity?

The other night as Jessica and I were doing some bedtime reading she began to read the following excerpt from Francine Rivers, A Voice in the Wind. The setting is Roman Empire 117 AD...or in manly words Gladiator times. The truth is echoing today in hearts and minds of families all across the world.

"How is it possible that you and I have two children who are opposed to everything we believe? What has happened to virtue and honor and ideals? One believes that nothing is true and anything is permitted. The other thinks that the only thing that matters is her pleasure. I've worked my entire life in order to give my children everything I never had at their age---wealth, education, position. And now I look at them and wonder if my life is simple vanity. They are selfish, without the least restrain upon their appetites. They haven't the smallest fiber of moral character."

His wife interjects and states..."Don't judge them so harshly. It's neither your fault, nor mine, nor theirs. It's the world they live in." "A world of whose making?" They want to be free of the old standards. Whatever feels good is right. Whoever stands in the way of their pleasures, they want destroyed. They demand the moral chains be removed and never understanding that it is moral restraint that keeps man civilized."

"What happens when all restraints are removed? I see our children consumed with watching blood be spilled in the arena. I see them seeking an unending diet of sensual pleasure. Where does it all lead? How can intemperate minds be free when they're slaves to their own passions."

(Photo courtesy of our Europe trip this past summer.)

Who is wise?

I am often annoyed when people think teens make bad decisions.

I am often annoyed when people think young adults are not very wise.

I am often annoyed when people think others do not have the same "wisdom" they have.

First, if someone is expressing that they have more wisdom, do they really have more wisdom?

Second, what is the measure of someone that is wise and not?

Yes, teens make bad decision. Young adults make bad decisions. Older people make bad decisions. So if we all make bad decisions this only means that we all make good decisions.

You are surrounded by wise people, but you may not be one of the wise according to "others" standard, but measure wisdom by the "breath of the Almighty that has been given to a man."

Consider the words from Job 32:6-9

"I am young in years,

and you are old;
that is why I was fearful,
not daring to tell you what I know.

I thought, 'Age should speak;
advanced years should teach wisdom.'

But it is the spirit in a man,
the breath of the Almighty, that gives him understanding.

It is not only the old who are wise,
not only the aged who understand what is right."

Stop being fearful and know that God has breathed a spirit of humble boldness.

Swimming Is a Battlefield of the Mind

As I prepare for the triathlon in October I have come to realize that some people are swimmers and others are not and this can create major mental barriers to overcome.

If you learned how to swim competitively like Jessica, then jumping in the pool and doing a few laps is no big deal. I on the other hand, have been struggling to swim properly without exerting tons of energy. Jessica is like a fish, she can jump in and keep swimming without exerting tons of energy.

This comes with learning to do anything properly that you will struggle as you develop new muscle memory. Many times we cheat ourselves by not doing our new activity the right way. We often give up and say, "Well, I am just not a swimmer." If we don't give up, we mentally beat ourselves up. When this starts to occur you are no longer focused on learning, but you have entered a battle field of the mind. The battlefield of the mind will now be the hardest thing to overcome, not learning a proper swim technique will take a backseat to the wars in your head.

If your trying something new in your life continue to keep pushing through the mental barriers and overcome the self defeating thoughts. Yeah, you may not have developed an early muscle memory for proper swimming technique, but with patience, time, and discipline you will overcome the negative, self defeating thoughts that will allow you to be a swimmer.

Texting and Driving Kills

This video showed up on Facebook earlier this week and we need to be proactive in educating everyone, not just teens, their parents as well about the dangers of texting while behind the wheel.

Please be warned this video is very bloody, but the message needs to seen.

Seems like common sense, but many have grown numb to our selfishness while on the road.

Restore What?

As I mentioned earlier about my parents restoring a 1906 house and the lessons I have learned to this day have helped shape me in my personal beliefs about a number of issues.

Without going headlong into misunderstanding we need to be careful and ask ourselves what are we restoring?

My parents are good at having multiple jobs or projects on the house that they start with intentions of finishing sooner rather than later, but after they start a restoration process on the bathroom, kitchen, and dining room one has to wonder were they are spending their time and energy. The sooner aspect quickly becomes the later when one has many projects. To this day I do the same thing, I am good at starting projects, but terrible at finishing and this has been a personal goal and intention of mine over the last two years or so.

The Churches of Christ are known as the ones who are Restoring the New Testament church and this has caused a great deal of fury, church splits, and arrogance among many. The intentions may be good, but intentions are not what following Christ is about.

What are we restoring? We have focused much of our energy and attention on many particular areas of what defines a church, but last time I checked Christ is in the business of restoring people to Him.

I wonder if we have lost our focus and spent much of our time and energy on restoring external matters and not focused energy on the one thing of restoring people to Christ about internal matters of his or her soul.

What is sexting?

How would you respond if your son received an unwanted nude photo from a classmate?

Two years ago I found out from guys in the youth group that girls would send nude pictures of themselves to guys in their local high school. At the time there was no known word for this new phenomenon. Thanks to Satan and the growing trend we now call this sexting.

Recently CBS did a news report on this craze called sexting. The young men who were battling this two years ago still get unwanted pictures on their cell phones.

How do we reach these young women who are prostituting themselves by sending nude pictures to guys?

Also how do the young men fight the battle of getting unwanted pictures on their cell phones?

Isaiah 61:1

"The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners..."

Many have become prisoners of their own soul because of their broken hearts. Go today and set them free through the power of knowing Christ.

Take No Credit

I am so pumped for one of our teens in the youth group. He recently got a job with a Christian media company in Las Vegas. Seth and I have worked together producing a few different videos for a sermon and various youth events. Once people can combine their passion with serving God amazing things start to happen for the Kingdom of God. Here is Seth's first "commercial" that he produced last week. (This video is worth your short time...not even 2 minutes.)

Teen Sexuality??

From Dr. Beth Robinson on Facebook asking for feedback.

"To Teens, Parents, Youth Ministers, Ministers, College Students, etc.

I am actively seeking your input about what topics need to be covered in a book for parents of teens. The book is intended to address teen sexuality issues. Please send me your ideas and suggestions about what the book should address. What do parents of teens need to know about teen sexuality and how can they help their teens commit to an abstinent lifestyle/

Any help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated."

This is my personal response to her note in Facebook.

Between youth ministry and my MFT internship my personal perspective is our expectations are low on how we define healthy sexuality.

The other aspect I see is that parents are struggling themselves to have a healthy sexual life and intimacy. How do parents talk with their kids about "how great God's plan is for sex" when they have not had sex themselves in several months if not years?

One last topic to address in your book would be, "I would rather have my son or daughter masturbate then to go and get pregnant or get someone pregnant." (There needs to be open and honest dialogue about this topic.)

To quote Joshua Harris' book, "Sex Is Not the Problem Lust Is"

We could play word association with that title...

Fill in the blank "Sex is not the problem __________ is."

What would you fill in the blank with?

(There are many other topics that come to mind that I will address in future post. Gardasil, Cervical Cancer, STD's, Birth Control, Dating, Boundaries, Biblical Teaching, God's purity code, etc.)

Not Realistic At All

Last night on the news I heard Bristol Palin clearly say that abstinence is "not realistic at all."

This reflects Romans 1:24, "Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts of sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another."

With an attitude of defeat nothing is realistic. Satan has won the battle if you are giving into a culture of realities. According to the culture of "real world" media the only reality is to give up and throw the towel in on sexual purity.

Sexual purity is hard. Abstinence as a teen is hard. Living a life of righteousness is hard.

Christ came in flesh to take on the realities of the world. We cannot say defeating sin is not realistic, Christ took on sin and defeated the desires of his flesh.

May we teach the word of God, live in step with the Spirit and overcome this reality that we are defeated.

We are more the conquers in Christ (Rom 8:37).

New Covenant for Dallas School

There is a new covenant to be made by the Covenant Christian School in Dallas, always allow the other team to score. Last week the girls basketball team beat Dallas Academy 100-0. Is there not something in the Bible that says thou shall not demolish one another?

The tables have been turned because now Mark Cuban is offering Dallas Academy to come watch a Mavericks game in a suite at the American Airlines Arena. Appears that Mark Cuban knows something about treating others the way you want to be treated.

Covenant is now having remorse about the outcome of the game because as Christians we are not perfect and we fail often at showing Christ love. However, learning from our mistakes whether on a basketball court or on the court of life we can learn and grow to share Christ love in real ways.

Manipulating the Truth

How do you navigate the waters to know the truth? I am not referring to the truth of Jesus Christ or any doctrine. I am referring to two individuals perspectives on an event that has caused them heart ache and brokenness.

Hurts happen because of relationships.

Healing happens through relationships.

Navigating the currents of individuals truth and reality is frustrating. However, as a therapist, minister, husband, and friend for truth to be known the relationship has to accept the other persons reality and move forward to understand his or her perspective.

Listening to one's truth is where you need to start because that is their truth. Good, bad, right or wrong does not matter. Their truth is where they are currently and the relationship can take the next step from this reality.

Not the Size

Recently I was having a brief conversation with a teen male who said he who would rather have a one bedroom house than the 10,000 sq ft house his family currently lives in. He said the reason the family has a huge house is because no one likes each other and we can go off into our own part of the house without anyone pestering each other.

We all hide behind an image we are trying to display before the world. Deep inside our image we are longing for a meaningful relationship. There is a need for all individuals and all families to crawl out from the image and start to have real conversations and real relationships.

Our relationships our not dependent upon the size of our house, bank account, clothes, knowledge, education, or the other irrelevant things; but our relationships are dependent upon our longing for connection.

If we are going to measure anything we need to measure the depth of our relationships.

Dry Flesh

My face has been miserable the last few days. Apparently I have sensitive skin and does not react well to placing acne specific wash or lotion on my pores. Now I have a horrible reaction of extremely dry skin.

This is often true within any system, ecosystem, family system, church system, or the various system one may work. We will place a quick fix on the surface to an underlying problem. We need to go directly to the root of the problem, but we do not go to the root of the problem because that is what keeps the system in a balance or homeostasis. If we choose not to address the problem we are choosing not to make progress within the system.

Example:
A family may come to counseling for their daughters sexual behavior. If a therapist could spend time with the family there often would be another cause to her behavior within the system. Instead of addressing the real problem (addiction, abuse, depression etc) we keep the system in balance by focusing on the identified patient.

Are you having problems with your skin? Address the problem not the surface issue.

Catch a Vision for His Kingdom

What an outstanding class and participation from everyone who attended the inter generational class last Sunday over Jesus, kingdom, and politics. When I reflect upon the Bible I see more gatherings with multiple generations than I do of our current model of separation of generations we see in our churches across the world. Thanks to you, we had over 55 in attendance ranging from 12 up to approximately 67.5. Found the below quote on friends blog (Nathan Zinck) who will be moving to Brazil to do mission work, visit the team at www.niteroimission.com

The quote reflects one perspective of the story of God we are trying to unfold during the next two weeks.

“When Christians catch a vision of the Kingdom of God, their sight shifts to the poor, the orphan, the widow, the refugee, the wretched of the earth, to God’s future – to the concerns of justice, mercy, and truth. Church people think about how to get people into the church. Kingdom people think about how to get the church into the world. Church people worry that the world might change the church. Kingdom people work to see the church change the world.” Howard Synder in his book, “Liberating the Church” (Downers Grove, IL. Inter-Varsity Press, 1983)